It’s been a thrifty week. We’ve all been at work or school for long hours, and it’s been fairly cold. None of us has any desire to go out in the dark and cold for anything unnecessary or superfluous. I’ve been so pressed for time that I was utterly thrilled to find two jars of soup in the freezer last night to finish out my workweek lunches.
I’m reading James Clear’s Atomic Habits in an atomically slow fashion – about 3 pages/day during my work lunch (I’m guessing I’ll beat my coworker, who is reading Chernow’s Hamilton in the same manner). Today I was reading Clear’s summary of the cue, craving, response, and reward progression that everyone consciously or unconsciously experiences many times each day, and it occurred to me that Thom and I both find rewards in our frugality.
What are the rewards to which we have conditioned ourselves? The challenge of making something by hand The security of savings Creating things that are better in some way – unique or tastier or containing our favorite materials – than we could purchase
Some might say that I need more excitement in my life, if leftover soup is that exciting. But why would I want to change the ability to experience happiness over such little things?
(Ilse) Hygge is all over the media these past couple of years and our library has some lovely books on the subject, but I think I’ve known about it most of my life… it just didn’t have a name and wasn’t practiced to the extent that it is elsewhere. After reading about hygge, I realized that this is what I always loved about my visits to family in Germany – the focus on simple pleasures such as friends and family, the outdoors, and good food. All were often combined in a leisurely midday dinner or afternoon coffee outside. My grandparents’ house on Long Island was full of hygge, but somehow it always felt to me that it ended when I left… I didn’t feel the same anywhere else.
Before hygge awareness arrived, I had already adopted the “home as cabin” mindset. I think that some of my friends understand this, but not all. Honestly, we’ve mostly quit hosting since my return to full-time work, primarily because of my schedule, but also because I became aware of some house snobbery among a couple who are otherwise good friends. They do have a nice house, but I don’t feel a lot of hygge there.
What makes me feel a sense of calm and wellbeing in our house?
Good aromas… baking bread, spices, fresh air in the summer
Sounds of nature… owls in summer, rain in spring and fall, wind in winter
Snoozing pets… they are so easily pleased – a fleece blanket, a sunbeam, a lap
Coziness… in winter, ample warm blankets and throws, throughout the house
The right lights… reading lamps, LED candles on timers
(Kelli) I love it when it’s quiet. Right now I’m up past my bedtime to get it. With my kids at 4 and 2 right now, I’m craving quiet and introspection. They are at a really fun age and I love it when they will snuggle me, which they will do with book after book (hygge) or with the TV (not so much). We have a wood burning fireplace and it is sooooooo cozy when we have a fire! We’ve only done so twice! I really want to do that a few more times this winter.
I also finally figured out how to get my own little spot in the house, which is a little writing desk in our sun porch. No one messes it up, or leaves junk on it, or litters it with crumbs. Since it’s very drafty I’ve put on a heater and usually use a blanket and light a little candle in there. (In fact I just got up and moved so I could sit at my little desk).
Speaking of candles, I’ve come to embrace aromas a bit more, but I’m picky. They have to be oh-so-subtle.
One million blankets? Seems that’s yes. 😉
(Ilse) Ooh, quiet! Yes. There is not enough of that in the world and it is so necessary after a busy workday. In the summer, our screened porch is my refuge, and I love to sit outside but out of reach of the mosquitoes. In the winter, I sometimes have difficulty finding quiet in the house and retreat to the library instead.
What would my dream house have that would increase hygge?
(Ilse) A windowseat looking out on the back yard, large enough for 2, or 1 and a very large pile of books. An indoor garden of some type – some houses in warm climates have large planting areas inside the house (but I don’t intend to move for that feature!). Less clutter.
(Kelli) I think I’d live in the country so I could have a big bonfire area, or be outside under the stars. I miss that about my childhood home.
What can I do in my present house to increase hygge?
(Ilse) We actually priced adding a bay window for a windowseat in our living room when we replaced our windows. Since it cost as much as all the other windows together, it was an obvious decision.
I’d like to figure out some way to arrange my houseplants to appear more garden-like. They are all in disparate pots all over the house. I’ve recently seen some articles about houseplants being the new decorating trend, so I’ll look for some ideas. (whoever would have guessed that a small house filled with houseplants would become trendy?)
We could decrease clutter. This is a constant goal and we’ve made a lot of progress. The clutter takes a few predictable forms in our house: books, footwear (particularly in winter), and papers. Happily, decreasing clutter is almost always free except for the time. Here’s where to focus my energy!
(Kelli) I agree with the clutter. It is just such a mental energy suck. Looking around I feel overwhelmed almost all the time, which makes it hard to relax, be present, want to have people over, focus my thoughts on other things. In one aspect, though, I want MORE items – and that’s to have more on the walls. We have had pretty spare walls for a few years after I put my foot down in this house of no “man cave” decor such as our former teeny little home had (vintage Northwoods, but still. SO. MUCH. NORTHWOODS.). I want more family photos, and photos from our trips, and, ok, a few vintage northwoods items would be kinda hyggetastic.
(Ilse) Until I get back to creating a photogenic hygge-ful space, I’m going to channel my inner cat. Sylvester finds hygge everywhere, and he spreads the hygge spirit with his rumbly purr and physical and temperamental warmth. Warm blankets, fireplace, family, book, tea, purrrrrrrrrrrrr.
December was busy. Somehow we fit all the activities and travel preparations for the holidays into our usual routines, and that time had to come from somewhere. I know that one place I skimped was meals. No one complained, and maybe they didn’t even notice, but I did… I noticed in my added few pounds, in my craving for green vegetables, and in having to dispose of a few things from the refrigerator, which is never necessary when I’m on top of things.
But all of that busy-ness is long over now.. and I’ve even undecorated. The winter months are upon us, and it is likely that this weekend’s thaw will be the last until April. It’s time for those braising, roasting, and simmering recipes that heat and scent the house. Since we returned from our holiday travel, I’ve cooked more than I did for most of December, when I nearly emptied our freezer and pantry. The freezer is again full and our weeknights should be easy for a few weeks.
I spent about 4 hours cooking this weekend and turned out a large loaf of bread, a quart of homemade yogurt, pasta with broccoli pesto and chickpeas for lunches, raw vegetables for this week’s lunches, and a cabbage-potato dish. Our Sunday dinner was the rajma recipe from Merra Sodha’s Fresh India, and it was delicious. There’s another meal of that in the freezer, along with chili, lasagna, black bean soup, scalloped potatoes, and various cooked beans and grains awaiting some type of quick preparation. I am feeling caught up.
The biggest bonus of cooking ahead is the time to focus on other projects. And sometimes, especially this dark and cold time of year, a project is as simple as a good book.
Most days are thrifty at Cottage Berg, so I admit succumbing to alliteration, but I do find regular reminders to be helpful when working toward a goal. Today’s thrifty habit is Meals that Clean Out the Fridge (or Freezer). Having learned to make use of random bits and scraps of leftovers has been a key skill in reducing food waste in our house. They are all either refrigerated or frozen in containers, and about once weekly I make a meal that can use up random vegetables, legumes, potatoes, or meat.
This is probably where casseroles originated. My mom never really made them, so the first time I saw a recipe I was stunned at all the work involved. But when everything is already made and leftover from another meal, they are very cost- and time-efficient. And that is true of most of these meals. Most are adaptable to use either cooked (neutrally seasoned) or raw vegetables; cooked vegetables should be added just in time to heat through.
Sometimes little containers get shoved to the back of the freezer or fridge. I really hate to throw out food or clean moldy containers, so nearly emptying the fridge between shopping excursions is a good habit, and if I don’t have an idea for how to use something within a few days, I move it into the freezer. The things that get lost in the deep freeze may become dessicated over time, but are still perfectly useful in a soup or chili.
Examples of perfect vehicles for random leftovers:
Frittata or omelet
Fried rice or bibbim bap
Soups (minestrone, for instance)
Flatbread with toppings, or filled crepes
And then there’s always the Leftover Buffet.
Tonight I drive the carpool, and I need a quick meal to cook when I get home that will use up about two cups of cooked cabbage. Soup is a good candidate, but I won’t have time to cook it after I get home, and am gone far too long to consider the slow cooker (after about 6 hours, in my opinion, it just tastes overcooked). Plus, it’s Thursday night, the Night of Greatest Fatigue (I completely understand why Thursday night was meltdown night in Mari’s first years of school). So, it will be simple: an unfilled omelet with green onions and Jarlsburg cheese, with leftover roasted potatoes and cabbage. And then I will don my pajamas and read with a purring cat.
How have you reduced food waste? What are your weeknight go-to meals?
The sun is poking through the clouds, shining with unusual intensity for a cloudy day directly into our dining room. The house is quiet – only the animals and I are awake. I am sitting at the keyboard, thinking. This is what I wanted more of when I quit that crazy job. Time to just think. It’s been a year now, and that anniversary as well as the lack of padding in our bank account has made me ponder my choice, which still feels right. I’ve never had a job that felt like such a good match to my skills, and because there is room to grow in the organization, I believe that our income situation will improve in time. In the meantime, Mari’s only home for two more years. I want to make those happy years, not two more years with a stressed-to-the-limit mom.
I met my friend Mary to walk and talk yesterday, and our conversation turned to how I have more time now. I definitely do, though its source is not really obvious. One hour of daily work time saving has been given to sleep that I didn’t know I was missing until I felt the resulting change. I am not spending hours each week on a job hunt, as I was for much of 2018. Overall, it’s hard to say whether reduced stress or the changed work environment is the most significant factor.
My previous job required “deep work” for the entire day. Every task, every day, required problem solving in a different situation, resolution in a timely manner, with close to zero tolerance for error. But all day long I was interrupted by someone in person or by phone, text, or page at least every 15 minutes. Sometimes it was something that could have been asked in an email. Sometimes it was production staff asking me when I would be done using some equipment (I managed to never say, “Sooner if you stop interrupting me.”). Sometimes it was actually something urgent. Every day when I came home, my brain was exhausted – and then I would still continue to receive texts and emails and ponder unsolved issues, often in the middle of the night. My coworkers were similarly stressed, which multiplied the effect.
Now, I am still interrupted for most of the day, but I have at least an hour every morning with close to zero interruptions. The deep work I do comes in concentrated bursts, and there is no manufacturing urgency. When I leave for the day, I am done. I don’t have to make tentative weekend plans around the possibility of being called in to fix something. I have mental energy left in the evenings to learn new things, to begin creative projects, and, most importantly, to be available to my family in more than robot mode.
It is still difficult to catch up with friends due to everyone’s different schedules and time demands, but when I do, I can to settle in and enjoy the time, rather than being stressed about what I’m not getting done. Yesterday, Mary and I walked for an hour on a day with weather that can only be described as perfect (yes, in January!). Both the outdoor time in the sunshine and the discussion were therapeutic.
So, life is very good, but there is some threat of financial strain. To minimize that I will be renewing my focus on frugality, continuing to seek ways of saving on a regular basis. My budgeting approach is somewhat casual except for one rule, which covers just about everything: don’t spend if it’s not necessary or if it’s not in line with family priorities. (I have a formal budget in a spreadsheet, but I don’t look at it very often… it helps that I have a strong memory for numbers.) Our default when something is necessary is to first consider if something else can be substituted or repurposed, which results in many fun creative experiments and a lot of learning. I was considering some sort of formal budget challenge, but after reviewing expenses from the past year, think that I would rather just focus on that one rule, and allow that energy to go to new learning instead.
Is frugality part of your simple living path? What tools do you use to maintain a frugal lifestyle when there are so many anti-frugal influences every day?
…because ‘housekeeping’ sounds ever much more pleasant than ‘chores!’
I cleaned every area of the house last summer, and saw how much neglect had occurred in the previous 3 years when I was overwhelmed by my job. We did the necessary cleaning (approximately) every week, and urgencies as they occurred, but things like the laundry room, a dusty place due to cat litter boxes, and various closets were neglected. I was shocked to see that I could easily clean measurable dust from the ceiling fans every month. The long-lasting furnace filter was somewhat beyond its life. Clearly, a system was needed.
Over the years we’ve had various methods of keeping track of household chores. Long ago, a spreadsheet listed weekly chores for Thom and myself. After recovering from the haze of having a youngster, I created a weekly rotating index card system that listed chores in time segments that were easily tackled with a toddler. When Mari was older, I hosted an informal weekly gathering, when friends could stop by for soup, crafting, and conversation, and had an unusually tidy home by our standards for a year or two. Now, visitors or guests still result in the cleanest house… although a close second is my birthday, when my gift is for Thom and Mari to clean while I relax. Mari has had regular chores since the age of 3, a list that increases when school’s out. But in general, we’ve been winging the majority of the house upkeep and cleaning, getting things done when we get to it, aside from the obvious chores such as vacuuming, bathrooms, kitchen cleaning, laundry.
As I’ve mentioned in the past, I prefer a paper planner for week-to-week notes, but recurring events, such as birthdays, flu shots, and real estate tax payments, I add to my online calendar once with an email reminder. So this is what I’m trying with these household tasks. I made a list of how often various things needed to be done (skipping the weekly chores as we have those under control), and added them to my calendar with the appropriate recurrence, trying to put them on different weekends of each month. These are tasks such as cleaning the outside dryer vent, changing the aquarium water, and decluttering particular rooms, cabinets, and closets. Yes, and cleaning the ceiling fans and light fixtures.
I know I’m not solving a grand problem here; neither is it my intention to maintain an immaculate house. I’m looking for the good enough solution: a clean, functional, and presentable home with a reduced decision load for my brain by having the computer tell me when things need to be done. The advantage of the email reminder is that it stays visible until I delete it, as opposed to the fleeting notification. I’ve tried a few list-keeping apps, but generally do not want another app to keep track of. Do you have a system for regular, but not frequent, household chores?
So, Xmas. Another December 25th has come and gone. I thought it would be worthwhile to review how I did and did not embody some of my personal values this season. I’d love to hear the same from you in the comments!
Less waste & reducing consumerism
Bought some secondhand plastic toys rather than buying new.
Several gifts given and received were things we needed anyway, just maybe with the fun factor ratcheted up a bit – superhero undies, for example.
Conscious effort to restrain what we bought our kids knowing our lovely family would shower them with goodies.
Laying the groundwork long ago that secondhand gifts would be welcome and enjoyed – extended family gifted some secondhand items as well.
Several consumables given and received – candy, candles, bath bombs.
About 1/2 the gifts wrapped in reusable wrapping – gift bags, drawstring bags, tins, etc.
Paper plates and non-recyclable plastic cups for our holiday hosting.
The other 1/2 or so of the gifts wrapped in throwaway paper.
Family togetherness & connection aka FUN
Attended and enjoyed Xmas Eve at my BILs. Brought the Santa suit along for my 4 yo to wear and his 9 mo cousin sat on his lap. Hilarity.
Had my side over to our house for Xmas Day. Made a fire and made s’mores in the fireplace. Had a bunch of favorite desserts and foods. People felt they could arrive well ahead of lunch – surprising me a bit, but happy they feel at home in our home.
I’m trying not to own every detail of our married life. It’s hard, because it’s easier for my husband to let me do that, and often easier for me just to do it. Add the invisible societal expectations around it and it just seems like a no brainer to be “in charge” of Xmas. But I don’t want it to be all me. So I’m working on that. (P.S. I always feel I have to give the caveat that my husband is very active in home life. But the fact that I feel this way says that it’s still a force at work if I even have to point that out: “Hey! But my husband is an amazing anomaly!”)
Refused to be the gatekeeper of the number or types of gifts for the children.
Created a shared gift idea list in the app we use for sharing our grocery shopping list.
Sent suggestions for what I wanted in my stocking. I guess that was kind of providing emotional labor though. But I was happy with what I got. LOL
Co-planned Xmas hosting, using co-developed lists to communicate tasks and check them off.
Not extending more emotional labor than necessary when my brother waited until the last minute to obtain a contribution for Xmas Day and didn’t feel he could find what I suggested and wanted further discussion and suggestions. So I told him whatever he wanted or nothing at all.
Constantly having to pay attention to this.
Having to set up the things like shared lists like the gift ideas in the first place – and then to find out the other day he didn’t even know I’d shared it.
Coordinating/reminding/hounding my immediate family to declare what they would contribute on Christmas Day.
Husband declared that he would not ever be texting anyone on our babysitter list (developed by me, of course) because he doesn’t want to be creepy.
Total abandonment of sending Xmas cards or even electronic greetings. Just too hard this year.
Honoring the spirit of the season
I feel I have few wins in this area outside of the family time stuff. To me, this value is about giving to the broader community (didn’t, despite my best intentions) and engaging in worship or acknowledgement of the birth of Christ (ahem, a big fat zero in this area). The best I did was to get a few of my families from school included into the schools Giving Tree, ones who hadn’t been included in the program previously. So, big room to grow in this area.
How about you, dearies? If you are a celebrant, are you happy with how you honored your selves and your beloveds this holiday?