Black Friday, *sigh*

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Oh Black Friday.  How I ignored your existence for so many years.  Then we remodeled our house, and needed new appliances, so in 2011 the siren song of your deals sucked me in.  And since then, while I don’t elbow or trample anyone in person, I do participate in the online frenzy.

What I love about Black Friday:

  • Deals, ok?  I love the deals, especially on things I was already going to buy or waited to buy until Black Friday deals came up.  In preparation, I made a good effort to locate all these items secondhand, and was successful on some fronts (I bought my daughter a big load of clothes, and found winter boots for both kids) but not on others.  So:  I bought shoes for the kids, a bed frame and mattress for my daughter, a new vacuum (this year’s killer deal winner), new jackets for the kids that we love from Gap, a few clothes for me, a few stocking stuffers for the family.
  • The thrill of the hunt, looking for the best deal.  Notice that this will also appear below.
  • The gratification.  I delayed it, then I got the stuff.
  • Related to the thrill of the hunt, the stacking of bargains.  For some, I got the store’s discount, then additional $$ back through eBates, and my cashback through my credit card.  Cha-ching on stuff I would have been buying in the near term anyway.

What I hate about Black Friday:

  • The human price of instant delivery.  I haven’t even been able to bring myself to listen to this podcast episode about it because I know my feelings will be horrible.  At some point, I need to (see “misalignment” below).
  • That I was willing to buy things new just because they were on a deal, when if I’d waited longer I could have likely obtained them secondhand, conserving resources and money.  I don’t worry as much about the money as in the past, but the manufacturing load of new items troubles me.  Except, it seems, when the deals are so good.  So that leads me to . . .
  • Misalignment with my values.  Why am I willing to morph into some crazy-consumerist one weekend of the year and not at other times?
  • The thrill of the hunt.  Oh, there you are again.  I wasted a LOT of time that weekend looking for the best deals on beds – and ended up buying one off Amazon for the regular price.  I have been known to “buffer” with online shopping and see this is a negative activity for my overall well-being (“buffering” being a term from Brooke Castillo of The Life Coach School and meaning activities we undertake in order not to feel undesired feelings or urges).

How about you?

How I View Money – a Retrospective (Part 1)

money-2724241_1920I’m sure this will be fascinating to many of you, and make others want to lay their head down on the nearest pillow and fall directly to sleep.  Or maybe somewhere in the middle?  Not even sure why I’ve been thinking about this lately.  Probably because in reading all of Ilse’s wonderful posts, I’m reminded of how long it’s been since I “met” her and Stephanie online and where my own outlook on money, frugality, simplicity, intentionality, etc. has meandered since.

So grew up middle class in rural MN.  Mom and dad never talked about money, well, not the details, but we knew we had enough for everything we needed but not quite everything we wanted.  I always had the distinct impression that I should not request designer clothing, for example, which pretty much I didn’t care about – or perhaps I didn’t care because I knew I wasn’t going to have, anyway.  But we were able to do all kinds of school activities, and always had enough food and clothes and medicine and books and toys and everything.

When it was time to go to college, I was determined to do it without loans.  I went to community college concurrently with high school for free, then an additional year there to finish up an Associate’s degree, which I planned to transfer to a public university where I would finish my degree quickly and with no debt.  Until . . . I got overwhelmed by the prospect of that public university and I visited a beautiful private college with its immaculate grounds and super welcoming admissions staff and FREE POP AND WAIVED APPLICATION FEE.  So I applied, and got accepted.  I was so excited!  Then the financial aid letter arrived, with its skillions of dollars in loans as part of the package.  And though I’d stated my goal of no student loans for yeeeeeeeeears, my parents were like, “meh, debt’s part of life.”  And so I signed and waded into my first student loan.

What I also didn’t know is that I needed an additional year at that private college to cover requirements not accepted from the community college.  So.  There are a lot of things a family doesn’t really understand when no one’s completed college.  Now we know.  Transferring doesn’t always equal saving money.

Ultimately I borrowed around $20K in loans, a modest amount to some but an amount that weighed on me.  So after college and a stint working abroad, I got serious about actually taking some action to eliminate these loans.  I’d also wracked up some credit card debt during a year of underemployment, so I had that on my conscience too.  It was at that time that I discovered Your Money or Your Life, and the heavens parted and the angels sang and I drank the Kool Aid and counted all my socks and everything else I owned and was shocked into action.

I started working diligently to pay off all my debt in March of 2006.  I documented my journey on a now-defunct website dedicated to tracking goals.  By this time I had about $34K in student loan debt (I’d also started a masters program), credit card debt and auto debt (because, since debt bothered me so much . . . I had bought and financed a brand new car.  Riddle me that.).  I did all these odd jobs, I had a graph (I just recycled that sucker about a month ago, I couldn’t let it go for years because I was sooooo proud of what it represented).  Finally, in 2011, all of it was paid off, and in the interim I’d finished the remainder of the masters program on a cash basis and taken several trips including India and Hawaii, and gotten married!  Admittedly a dual income definitely helped knock out the last $15K or so.

I’ll bring you my married life journey in a future installment, which I’ll link here when it’s up!

 

On Comparison

Today is Thanksgiving, and I’m sitting here in my warm house, in front of glowing candles in the fireplace and – in my eyes – a Better Homes and Gardens-worthy mantel, reflecting on the day.  We went to my brother-in-law’s beautiful new lakeside home to celebrate our first Thanksgiving since losing my mother-in-law just last week.  She was a timeless hostess.  She’d stepped back from doing the big meals the last few years, but it didn’t matter today.  She and her ever gracious hostess presence was warmly remembered around the table and more than a few tears were shed.

Now, my little family does NOT live in a brand new lakeside home.  We live in a 1926 Tudor in a beautiful neighborhood in St. Paul.  When we moved in, it felt palatial.  We’d lived in a matchbox of a 1917 bungalow with an awful layout and really lived in about 600 square feet of it and deposited our junk in the other 300 barely usable square feet upstairs.  So to get a 1400 square foot house felt amazing.  But when I go to my brother-in-law’s, the thoughts of comparison start marching through my mind . . . I wish I lived on a lake.  No cracks in the plaster here.  I bet he pays less in property taxes on a house twice as big.  They have so much space!  The fact that he has to drive an hour to work is kind of lost in all the comparison.  Or that they have to clean that whole place.  Or pay for it . . . for how long?

Emotionally, life’s been a little hard lately, and so also lately, I’m kind of obsessing about home improvements – stuff that should be low on the current priority list.  Painting the living room/dining room/sun room/stairway.  Getting a big girl bed for my daughter who I’d really rather keep in the crib anyway.  Scraping the popcorn coating and skimcoating the ceilings because it’s clear WHY they put that popcorn up in the first place – to cover the humongous fissures in the plaster.  (See how I wrote “should be low on the priority list?”  Bear with me.  That’s important later.)

I suppose it’s easier to window shop online and browse Pinterest for paint colors than to be sad that my mother-in-law died, or to face that I’m really not committing to losing that weight, or to admit that no matter how bad I would like to be a self-employed person I’ve taken no more steps toward doing so than making some lists of ideas in my journal, or that it’s generally grey and dark right now and I’m kinda sluggin’ it up around here.

So I’m starting to indulge in this dangerous game of comparison.  It’s a thief of joy, or should I say of feeling my emotions fully?  Because I’m not really trying to escape joy here, am I?  So then I’m letting these thoughts of envy lead me into activities and thoughts that distract me from feelings I need to feel.  I’m letting it lead me into imagining it would be better to trade up the whole house rather than spend a few hundred bucks on a paint color I like better and that we could actually wipe clean or maybe a few thousand in getting properly sized furniture for the quirky layout of the living room.  AND WHAT IF I MISS THE BLACK FRIDAY DEALS ON THE BIG GIRL BEDS?!?!

I’ll allow myself to make my home the way I want, but I’m gonna force myself to make a decision.  No more bed browsing.  Now I know that the bed I want exists, and when it’s time to get it, we will.  No need to worry about Black Friday.  There will be another sale.  No more fantasizing about paint.  I’ll buy it and hire our handyman to paint, or move on.  I’m getting better at this decision making stuff.  It’s all a journey.  I’m learning how to recognize when I’m envious, when I’m distracting myself from needing to feel, and when – gosh darn it – I’m just actually really tired of the handprinted, penciled up paint color and want something fresh and new on the walls.  And it might cost money.  And that is allowed.

On Insecurity

I’m in a group coaching program that is forcing me to look at how my thoughts create my feelings – big time.  Some days it feels like too much to open the lid on my brain and take a look.  But look I must, because I’m not fully pleased with all the aspects of my life.  And that’s why I’m here today with this particular post.

I’m here because part of my plan to allow and feel the feeling of insecurity is to make more posts on Snowshine Cottage.  You see, my jam has been setting up the backend of this blog and thinking of ideas.  And there it stopped.  And I’ve let the awesome posts that Ilse and Stephanie have been doing intimidate me.  Their intentionality and dedication is inspiring me to step up and actually do what I committed to do – a post a week.

I do angst pretty well, so get ready.  LOL – just kidding, but only a bit.  My angst meter has been turned way down since joining the above-mentioned program, but I still indulge in a bit now and then, which tends to be when I like to write.  🙂

I took Facebook off my phone

And as a sorry FWP, I had real anxiety about it.  I’ve spent innumerable hours scrolling Facebook in the last four years since I had my first child and have been nursing or pregnant (aka exhausted) pretty much constantly since.  It’s getting better now, and I decided it was time to let this crutch go.  I still get on it on the computer, mainly for garage sale groups and three other groups I belong to that I find useful.

I didn’t think just taking it off my phone would do much.  I thought I would log on via the phone’s web browser.  But I haven’t.  And it’s been glorious!  I pick up my phone probably 75% less, and am on FB itself 90% less.  I don’t feel beholden to my phone, imprisoned by it, ready to chuck it in a lake anymore.  And I’m not particularly doing anything that amazing with that time, but I don’t feel so time scarce, as Ilse mentioned in one of her recent posts.  And I’ll take all the time I can get.

Rogers Lake Park Outing

So excited to be here!

So for my first post I’ll review a new park we visited today.  Part of living intentionally for me is having little adventures regularly – even if they are only a few hours long.  So today we visited Rogers Lake Park in Mendota Heights, MN. We enjoyed our little visit so much!  We wanted to give my son (4) some fishing experiences this summer and decided that the other site we had planned to check out would involve too much walking on this steamy day.  So after a little sleuthing on the Fishing in the Neighborhood site from the MN DNR, we settled on this little park.

What a gem!  We ate a picnic at a sturdy table in breezy, dappled shade.  There are amenities for all walks, including a playground, volleyball court, skate park, of course the fishing pier, picnic shelter, a great little canoe launch.  The city even has a rack for storing your personal canoe if you want to leave it right by the lake.  The park appears to connect to a trail system, though we didn’t check that out – this time.

We plan to bring the kids back for their first canoe outing.  Rogers Lake is a smallish lake, not too deep and the launch was perfect.  Plus, it won’t be too far to carry the canoe from the car.  We look forward to it!

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Rogers Lake, Mendota Heights, MN